Friday, November 25, 2011

Advertising Rant

I'm sure you've seen the recent TV ads for Viagra (I'm not a user, by the way) unless you have been living under a rock for the past couple of years. The theme appears to be, you're older now and know how to get things done. Their depiction of older guy wisdom is about as lame as it can get. Consider the three ads I've seen so far.

In the first ad, a guy is driving through the desert in his '67 Camaro. It overheats, so he pulls into an ancient roadside gas station and comes out with a bottle of water, which he pours into his overheateed radiator. In a moment he continues his journey and arrives at an invitingly lit up house where, I guess, he gets laid.

In the second ad, a cowboy in his pickup with a horse trailer gets stuck in the mud. He steps out of the cab, hitches up his team and pulls the truck and trailer out of the mudhole. The final scene shows him pulling up to an invitingly lit up farmhouse where, I assume, he gets laid.

In the third ad, a guy is sailing along with his sails improperly set, in a light breeze. Judging from the wave action, the wind isn't more than 5 knots. Suddenly, a midboom mainsheet clevis breaks and his boom swings away. Leaping into action, he points to windward and disables a life vest by removing the waist strap. He feeds the strap through the block, wraps it around the boom, and replaces the clevis. He then sails away and returns to the dock, apparently to get laid.

These guys are supposedly at an age where they know how to get things done. Problem is, none of them seem to have a clue. Let's take these problems one at a time.

Guys with classic Camaros should have some basic concept about maintenance and emergency repair. They know not to head out into the desert without having checked a few things like oil and coolant levels, condition of hoses, belts, etc. Guys with classic Camaros also know that when the beast overheats, they don't grab a bottle of cold water and dump it into a hot radiator. They also know that a liter of water ain't gonna fix the trouble. Maybe he dumped his little blue pills in the radiator and the cooling system hardened up. If so, he must have made it home in less than four hours.

The cowboy might know how to ride horses, but he sure doesn't know how to drive the backroads, of which we are led to believe he is most familiar. Having spent several years as a microwave radio technician, I am a bit familiar with driving in less than ideal conditions. If the cowboy knew a damned thing about backroad driving he would have either gone around the mudhole or maintained enough speed to allow his momentum to carry him through the mud without spinning his wheels. That's something that might also improve his performance in bed.

The sailor, ah yes. This guy should be drummed out of the Horatio Hornblower fan club. First problem. That clevis had to be at least 1/4 inch stainless steel with a rating in excess of a ton. If that sucker snapped in such a light breeze, he allowed it to wear out, never looking at it during the life of the boat, or the ten other boats it outlived. Those things don't wear out fast. How many other parts are in similar condition? Did Mrs. Hornblower sabotage his yacht? I'd be uneasy about sailing that boat in dead calm. Next problem, he disables an essential, and required, piece of safety equipment instead of grabbing one of the many chunks of line that are always readily at hand. What the hell?!! If the clevis pin can't hold, what makes him think that a 1 inch nylon strap is the right answer? Of course, being a TV ad, he successfully completes the repair with a spare clevis and, next problem, continues on with his sails improperly set. As he's walking the dock in the final scene, one has to wonder, is that sail bag his Viagra dosage? Maybe he can loan some to the guy with the Camaro.

You have to admit these are true guys. They don't properly prepare for what they intend to do, then, when they face a self inflicted woe, they come up with a lame solution. These guys are the ultimate teenagers. Dumb mistakes, followed by dumb fixes. All in hopes of getting laid.